I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
