Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
