and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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