God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
