I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize