I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
