My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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