i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
