First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
