Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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