oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He shit in the fireplace
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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