She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
