I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
