That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
