Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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