I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
