I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
