I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
