I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize