Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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