I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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