South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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