hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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