Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
