four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
