you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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