Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
