I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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