they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
