ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
