Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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