do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
