yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
