I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize