That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's never too late to be topless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
