i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
