I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
