my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
