I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
