Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
