i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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