Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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