dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
