you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
