Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
