if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i've created a new STD.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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