Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
