He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
