its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize