Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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