I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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