like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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