I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cut my penus on the lid.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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