i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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