how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
