I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
