You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think your dad took our porno
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
