3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
