So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
