Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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