Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
