hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your penis caused this!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize