I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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