I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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