I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
