Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
