literally had 100 drinks last night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
