i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
