he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
