Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
3 2 1 whiskey
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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