Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
