You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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