dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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