that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
