no. you can't hotbox the world.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
