6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize