When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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