I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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