dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
