Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
