I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
