Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
