I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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