I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
