yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
