Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You need a sexual gate keeper
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
