I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize