Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
