I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize