Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
