Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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