All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
