I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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