i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
