Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
