Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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