Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just had sex on a roof
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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