i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize