I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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