i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
