MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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