a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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