moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
